Brain Drain

So as those of you who read my tweets and/or got texts. I started a internship for a company yesterday. And it seemed like exactly what I wanted to do, learning PHP coding skills from a master. Now I'm not a total beginner, but there is still a ways for me to go. And THEN some.
So yeah this morning I started out doing some reading for one of my classes. Not a big deal. Next I did some work on my Java programming class. A little sigh and annoyance but again, not a big deal. Then I got to viewing the work I was assigned. Seemed simple enough yesterday when I being explained the idea of what I was to be doing. No not just easy, very easy. Haha how wrong I was.
I started out looking through some of the different pages of code...and that's when it became a big deal. See this thing they're having me do is listed under high priority. Maybe its a test to see how I do under pressure (damn now that Who song is stuck in my head), and I think I'm failing if that's the case. I can read the code, but it just soo much and I've never seen nor coded PHP like this before. I feel like a deer in headlights right now that's running straight at the car. Ughhh this kind of day really goes against my obnoxious super positiveness. Maybe I just need some food.
Its on these days that I really remember what I my heart wants to do. I want to go on a global adventure. Scale mountains, drive on the autobahn, wander through french and spanish wine country, swim in the black sea, stop in a restaurant in Italy for a true italian dinner. Make my way over to Thailand and see Tibet, from there travel into western China and through the forested mountains, to the south east part of the country. Try some of the (in)famous mountain rat delicacy from that region and make my way north to shanghai and beijing. Visit seoul and get to see some of the super advanced tech they have there, then fly or take a boat over to Japan start out by visit Kyoto, then Osaka, Tokyo, then head down to Okinawa to relax in the sun. Then head back going down to the philippines, over to india, and then maybe dubai(lol as if I could ever afford to go there), and up to St. Peter'sburg. Then over to germany and sweden, norway, and finally over to London. There I want to spend a great deal of time just wandering my way around. And...my mind went off track now so I suppose I will end this here for now. I think the only thing I need to start this trip would be good traveling companion thats also ready to let things go to the wind.

Moving Forward

"There is no finer sensations in life that which comes with victory of one's self... Go forward to a goal of inward achievement, brushing aside your old internal enemies as you advance." - Vash Young

Mind and Emotions: Sitting in a Classroom

This is a short narrative I wrote two semesters ago on my iPod while a certain class was carrying on. I'm posting it now because I find going back and exploring my past ideas and ways of thinking to be interesting. It is not a complete story, but depending on the feedback I might continue with it. Not sure yet, anyway here it is:
"As I sit here in a classroom where no one including myself is really listening to this monotone professor I realize that I really just don't care. This is a subject I find interesting at least somewhat, but my mind and body cannot keep attention like this. There is for lack of a better term, a plague, an atmosphere permeating me and taking over. It's beyond boredom and laziness and is just a general mindset I now have. This is a waste of valuable time.
The time in this room is suffocating. Slowing down so I can feel each second pass is making the boredom grow stronger while my mind and emotions become further separated. I am at the point where in my mind's eye I can see the two separate sides of my being. The emotions are a churning cloud that wish to be calm, and my mind is a sea of reason and ideas. From this point I choose to access the sea of my mind and let my emotions sit idly by.
I do retain my emotions while I am only using my rational mind, they are simply easier to ignore. Like a shadow on the ground that wishes to reach up and be one with the body but alas it is only a shadow. Sometimes I think this state of mind is good, other times it haunts me because I can see things that should evoke pure emotion from me but my mindset is too rational and dulls the emotional aspects away so I can do is sit here in disdain.
Only when I find a good connection with another human do I feel somewhat closer to being real again and find myself able to reconnect with my emotional being.
Talking about what is real is and entirely relative thing that holds little bering in this conversation with myself. Even more so because I am speaking of emotions and mindsets. Perhaps I am no different from the rest of society and that's why we all steal to find the one for us to spend our lives with. One to understand this internal conflict that exists within ourselves. A person to be able to fully love and be able to reason with. And I'd truly enjoy being stupidly romantic with them, but my mindset right now alone in this room with twenty other people does not desire that. It desires nothing. Nothing to the point of not even caring about life and death.
That does not mean I want to die right now. To me it more means that my current life has inconviences that I want gone. Things like certain blood realtions, schooling, waking up before noon, working, and much more. I'm even getting tired of typing, but I'm also getting sleepier so I will determine this to be a side effect of the monotone voice that permeates this room. And then it is gone like a wisp and I am free to leave this dreadful place and regain my true inner self.

Again I have trapped myself in this room. People slowly make their way through the door and there are just barely a few more vagrants than last week. It barely seems like a week has gone by, but at the moment it feels not nearly enough time has passed.
Time is an illusive thing that we cannot grasp. It becomes faster and slower at the will of our perceptions. When anxious or otherwise hoping for it to be slower, time speeds itself up. When we are nervous and in the spotlight, time cannot help but slow down to a crawl. Alas this is all relative nonsense perpetuated by our heightened emotional states.
It is nonsense because I am not the one currently at the front of the room speaking, and presenting a report while constantly being interrupted by an instructor that has absolutely zero charisma or grace. That is not to say he is not knowledgable, only to say he needs to take a speech seminar and seems to be socially incapable. It does not help that there are people in here disrespectful enough to talk while the class is going on. Even if no one is paying attention, such a blatant display of disrespect should never be tolerated. It seems to me that the instructor's hearing must be rather bad or he does not really care about this class himself. I hope it only the former because I do generally enjoy the subject, but I find that reading about it alone suits me better than being dragged into this prison on a regular basis. This prison where knowledge attempts to spread but dies on deaf ears.

I think this is what people mean when they refer to the abstract notion of the masses. We all think we are individual, interesting, and unique. The fact of the matter is that at the time we do not stand up and shout our names our, use our emotional side to give our cause heart and our mental side to make it reasonable to understand, we have lost our chance to be above the masses. When someone does these things people are instantly drawn to them like a force of nature. Not everyone of course, we are all limited to our own base perceptions."

Life: Daylight

First I want to say I do like warm weather, but I wish I broke out the shorts today. It's too hot! Hot laptop in a store that's AC doesn't seem to be working well with a hot day out. For the first time I'm considering buying one of those fan cooling lap desks. Its also I have a very warm surface temperature. When its this hot or warmer I have to start taking cool showers otherwise I raise my body temperature a lot and that can cause an unsafe rise in blood pressure I'm told. It also doesn't help that I got up earlier than normal and after a quick shower I had to go out and do some manual labor(moving stuff from one house to the other <-if you've been to my home this should make sense). So I got sweaty from that and had to take another quick rinse before heading out the door. Bleh.
Today would be a great day to go swimming. Beach preferably, but a swimming pool would be worthwhile too. I am not the strongest swimmer, and my stamina has gone down I think lately(time to start running/rollerblading more often), but still its a lot of fun. And it would be nice and cool!
I think what I like most about the spring/summer time is the longer day light hours. I know shocking as a bunch of people seem to think I am secretly a vampire, but that just means I NEED more sun time. If I could get up earlier I would, but then I'd have to figure out how to tire myself out before 2-3am. Cause when I'm alone, my brain goes non-stop and I can't sleep until I do everything I can think of or I get tired to the point of a bit delirious lol. Although at the same time I feel I do my best thinking/work late at night which is one of the main reasons I cannot implement my more daylight plan. Well that and most of my friends are night people like me and we end up hanging out until the bar closes or close to it(depending on how far and how many people I have to drive home).
Wow its taking me long to write this. Hot weather also seems to make me ADD and lazy, which can be a debilitating combo for getting stuff done lol. I want to work more and be more efficient but that's tough right now.
Well it also doesn't help that I found a new addicting game for my iPod touch. Its called We Rule. If you like civilization, Sim City, one of the facebook farming games, or online community games you'll like this. It ties all those elements together without too much of any one. You start out needing to farm to make money, but as you get higher in levels and add more friends you can run your town almost entirely on selling services. And everyone constantly will order stuff from neighbors because doing so gives them experience. Also another great thing about the game is you don't have to know people to add them. Just become a fan on the facebook page and from there you find poeple's user names, then just search and add them in the game.
...I just advertised for an iPod game, even if it is great, thats odd of me. Must be the heat. I'm done with this now. Oh yeah gotta be consistent and give the japanese word of the day. Atsui - hot(weather)

And I can even use it in a sentance! [Kyo wa atsui desu.] <- It is hot today.
See you hobos next time.

Life: Wanderings

The way people wander around is a really good indicator of their personality. Some people wander in big groups always talking and chatting. Other go around in small groups everyone being in on one random conversation. Then there are the twos, they are those annoying couples you'd like to glare at for being too lovey dovey, the couples that act like human beings, the old couples, odd couples, and best friends that just do things either one of them can thing of. The last group is the soloists.
I am one of the latter tonight, sipping on my white mocha typing on a laptop like I'm some sort of annoying writer. But, Ha! I'm an annoying blogger! The big difference being that I don't have an even more annoying person dubbed my editor leaning over my should criticizing everything I write down and how I say it. I do that enough on my own thank you very much.
Now back to what I was saying. Got to get to the point or you kids with your game boys and cell phones with mobile tv will get bored and stop reading. That's right I know about you! And I'm watching. Don't make me send the hobos after you. You can get four of the to work for you for the night for just one cooked chicken. Very cost effective and they listen really well. So long as you don't mind the smell.
And in a fantastic leap that takes me to the core of what today's blog is about. Well I call it a blog, its really just nonsense, but if you've read this far you might as well stick it out till I'm done. Anyway the wanderings of people is a very interesting thing. So many people do different things every single day as they go around doing people things like people do. As I have an annoying habit of my brain jotting down and taking note of what I see, this make me a people watcher. No you pervert not THAT kind of people watcher! I'm in public for god's sake. There are kids within 15 feet of me. Though they are kind of young and personally I think its irresponsible they aren't being shuffled home already.
What? Oh yes I said the topic of the day was wanderings. I'll leave the brat alone for another time when they really piss me off [Insert clip of brain griffin yelling at baby in a Denny's]. No I'm not really going to cut to a clip of that but you get the idea! Because that's just how my mind wanders around. From the kids to the chubby guys slurping his soup in front of me, to the cute asain girl sitting about 10 feet away, and to the rest of the place with people that some of them I recognize their face, but I'm kind of bad with names. Well at least I'm not as bad as Leno, abusing people on the street and asking random questions. I bet he hunts down the ones that are drunk or high but don't show it on the surface. I mean really how many stupid people can you find. Unless its all set up and he tells them to give stupid answers...nahh that'd be too much work and too much time away from his car collection. There's an idea! Let's get Jay to lend us one of his cars and drive around the country. That'd be a real wandering adventure. We have him ship it here and then just drive wherever the hell we want. And cause its not my car I wouldn't be uneasy about other people driving it. Oh and before I'm out of time here's the japanese word of the day:

This is pronounced "yuushi". There are a few different ways to write and say wanderer, the two symbols in this one each me "to play" and "child" respectively. So you could say it means to wander around to where you want to without feeling you need to go anywhere. Which I think is cool and so should you! People need to be more truthful with themselves and do what they want to do. There's no shame in expressing who you are and going where you want to go. LIVE THE LIFE OF A VAGABOND! You can still have a place to sleep and lots of places have free interest [insert creepy craig smile] hahaha. Well I've gotten bored with you and this topic that has wasted my precious wandering time. Good night to you, I'll have the hobo see you to the door at once!